Hope It's Not Too Late
by MeshAndLace
Summary: ONE SHOT! Edward left her heartbroken. May have been for her own good but that didn't matter to Bella. Will Edward get to Bella before he loses her forever? *********** note:spur of the moment thing. not the "best writing" but, whatever. lol


So, this is a one shot about Bella during the beginning of New Moon. . This is about what happens when Bella just can't take it anymore.

Hope you like it.

Team Edward !

Hope It's Not Too Late

A one shot

**BPOV**

The girl looked so familiar, but yet I couldn't recognize her. Her hair was a mess, as if she just got in a fight with her blow dryer and lost. The bags under her eyes made her look like a complete zombie. She did actually look like she was dead, so maybe she _was_ actually a zombie. Her skin looked like it had never been introduced to sunlight. Almost translucent. This pained my memory. I remember skin like that on someone. _Block it out Bella. Block that out_. Her eyes scanned me as mine did the same to her. We both stood there, looking at eachother with the same look of pained disgust at what we saw. As if we both knew each other , knew what we were, and hated what we had become. It wasn't until I accepted the fact that the girl I was staring at in the mirror was actually me that i felt the most sympathy and pain. _This was me._ The past couple of months flooded in my mind and knocked my litteraly to the ground.I collapsed on my floor boards and broke out into violent sobs.

I could hear Charlie walk pass my door, stop, and walk on. This wasn't the first time or the second time he heard me crying uncontrollably in my room. It probably wouldn't be the last. How could I not be like this? I put 100 of myself into someone, and they _left_, and I was _left_ with nothing but memories and those statements that I just couldnt believe. "_I don't want you_" pained me the most. Even thinking those words made my body throb with pain as if I was being punched in my stomach again and again. Everything that happened between us, from what he said, meant nothing. Absolutley nothing. How could that be? The hugs, kisses, laughs, smiles, everything... how could they be nothing? They sure as hell meant something to me. Im crying on this damn floor and have been for God knows how many months aren't I? Obvioulsy those things consumed my thoughts all day every day. I just didn't understand. Will I ever? Is it some dumb vampire thing? Is that how they love? Hmphh, he didn't love me. That I was sure of. He said so himself. He said I would move on, that human emotions like mine go away, he was so stupid. They would never go away that I was sure of. How could they? That's all that was left of me, this shell. My mind was hollowed out. All that was in my thoughts were involved around him. Everything I could remember. His entire self, ever strand of hair on his head, his smile, his eyes, his hands, everything.

_Edward. _

I didn't surface from my room until later that night after Charlie went to bed. I barely noticed myself move. I was unobservant to myself. My body just followed a routine. I tried my best not to be in the presense of Charlie. I couldn't bare him seeing me like this. I already saw what I had become. I didn't want him to even consume the image of me. I knew it would hurt him, seeing how I am now. It was bad enough he heard my state of mind every night when I would cry and cry for hours. Guilt and pain occupied me when I thought about that. What kind of parent could stand seeing their child like this. Charlie attempted to do everything he could think of to get my back to normal, but frankly, it was impossible. I walked over to our small table in the kitchen and grabbed a apple out of a small glass bowl. Holding the appled close to my face, I studied it. The shape, the smell, the feel of it beneath my skin. It felt cold and the skin was smooth as glass. This apple would be the first thing I have eaten in two days. That wasn't a shocking thing. I have gone longer without food. I barely had an appetite for anything anymore. I took a bite and sat down in the chair. My stomach growled in reaction to the food. It wanted more, but my memories still fought with it. I consumed the apple fast, my stomach won. I looked around the kitchen from where I sat. More memories of what used to be, and what I knew would never be again.

I let my feet take me back upstairs to my room. The window in my room had remained locked for awhile now after I digested the fact that he would not be coming through there anymore. The rocking chair in the corner of my room , where he would reside some mornings when I awoke, was now vacant, and dust covered it completly. I couldn't bring myself to sit in one of the last things he touched. My feet then carried me to my bed. I sat on the edge of it and stared down at my feet and spaced out into more memories. They were all I had left of him. I couldn't let him go, and even if I wanted to, I didn't know how. How long could I go on with this pain. I couldn't take it anymore. I honestly wanted to die. I practically was, wasn't I? The only thing that fully completed my death was that my heart was still miraculously beating. How, I didn't know. "I can't deal with this anymore." I said to myself quietly. The plotting began.

**EPOV**

Jack Daniels. Vodka. I stared at the empty bottles on the hotel rooms tv stand. I needed to get more. I hated the taste of the alcohol but it still worked wonders. It wasn't my usual beverage.Everything had ended. I kept reminding myself it was for her benefit, yet I wanted to go back more than anything. I couldn't allow myself to be selfish. No more harm could come to her. The words I said to her I know must've hurt. They hurt me also. I remember them burning my lips as each syllable passed. Those venom lies. My life...existance...was worthless. Just like me. I ran from everything I loved, and people who loved me. Bella was first, the family, was next. I couldn't take Alice looking into Bellas future and then reading her thoughts against my better judgement. I hadn't heard from them for a little over 3 months. I hurt everyone now. I'm so stupid. I sat on the stiff furniture the hotel provided for a bed, and remembered my favorite memories. I gripped the side of the mattress as everything went through my head. Her face consumed me. I thought of how electricity used to shoot through my body whenever she would touch me. A simple touch could sure my dead heart back to life it seemed. She's my everything, and I left her feeling like she meant nothing at all to me. Hate is all I feel for myself.

The phone rang on the night stand. Not even thinking, I picked it up. A mans voice was on the other end. It was the front desk, reminding me that I needed to check out today by noon. I had stayed in this hotel for about 3 weeks now and have barely left it besides when I had to hunt. My cell phone then rung. Why was everyone calling me now? I ignored it. I knew it was. Alice had been trying to call me everyday for a week now. Ignoring it I turned on the tv to focus on soemthing else. The cell phone silenced for a minute and then rang again and again. The calls continued for thirty minutes. Something must've been wrong. My gut feeling convinced me to pick it up and as soon as I did the screaming began.

"Fuck Edward ! I don't care if your sulking and shit you pick up when I call you !" Alice's voice boomed from the phone and the regret of answering washed over quickly and drowned me. I waited until she was done cussing at me to get a word in. "Alice, please don't call me. I can't take hearing your guys thoughts anymore. Please. I just dont know how to-" "EDWARD! SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH I'M NOT DONE!" I was shocked by Alice's anger. I could understand she would be angry but something was wrong and if I could sweat I would be. My thoughts were flying. What happend? "It's Bella. Edward, she...she..." Alice was sobbing. I froze. "Whats happened Alice?!" I was panicking now. Alice was hyperventilating. My God. What happened? Alice tried to calm down enough that I could understand what she was saying. I was growing impatient."Alice! What happened to Bella?!" All the possibilities floated through my mind, but there was only one that I could think of that would have Alice like this.

"Edward it has not happened yet I don't think, but she is planning to kill herself." I was panicking. In that instant I had gathered what stuff I had and was heading out the door. I was running down the stairs from the 5th floor to the lobby. I though the key to the room and a grand at the clerk at the counter and ran out of the automatic doors to my car. Throwing my stuff in the back seat and with Alice still on the phone I raced off towards Forks as fast as I could. I was just on the border of Oregon and Washington "What is she planning on doing?!" I couldn't help but yell at Alice. I was more than just scared at this moment. She spoke fast. " She has been planning different stuff. She keeps bouncing between jumping off a cliff in La Push again or taking Charlies gun." I screamed at her words. Bella promised. She promised me she wouldn't do anything. I broke my promises to her in ways though. I geuss she might have felt it was alright for her to break her promises.I could'nt control myself anymore. I began screaming and weaping. Thoughts of Bella doing both things tore me apart.

I swerved past car after car. My speed in this car hit 160. "We would've gone to find her Edward, but you told us not to interupt her life anymore and I didn't know if she actually would kill herself or not. It wasn't until after 3 weeks of me seeing her dead that I started to get worried. I tried calling sooner but you never picked up. Edward, Im so sorry. Im sorry" I stared through the windshield as signs for towns passed in what seemed like a few short minutes. The big cities took longer. I sped on towards Forks. It would be at least another 2 hours until I would get there, and to her house. All my previous thoughts vanished. I couldn't be away from her anymore. It was killing me to be away from her, and it was about to litterally kill her. How could I be like this to her. How could I let this happen?

**BPOV**

I took out a pen and piece of paper and began writing out my apologies to my loved ones. I only had 3 true ones. Charlie, Renee and Edward. The first two were short. What could I really say to them. "Sorry I blew my head off. Hope you can forgive me? " Those words wouldn't be the great. Neither would my departure from this world, but what more could I do? I did put, however, that it was not Edwards fault but my own. I couldn't let Charlie try and hunt Edward down. It may already be hard enough for him. It was Edwards letter that had took the longest. I didn't know what to say.I hoped this letter wouldn't be stupid. I knew Alice would probably tell him of what happened to me and he may already know what I'm planning to do. I couldn't be sure though if he would get it, but I had to write it. I planned to put it in a box with the photos I found of Edward and I in the floor boards of my room. I came across...well more like tripped over a loose corner of a board and found the pictures. That was a hard day. I knew exactly where I was going to go and where I would put the box. My pen began to move,

_Edward._

_I could never find the right words. I hope this letter means something even if it only means a fraction. I also hope its good enough, since I obviously wasn't._

_The world passes me by Edward, into the future. I'm remaining in the past. Im scared to move on. How could I anyways? How could I? You were and still are my heart. I honestly can't live without you. It's a miracle I lasted this long. Don't blame yourself please. This was my doing. I must've done something to push you away, and my life I took on my own. You didn't. Im sorry I broke our promise. I just didn't know what to do anymore. You are constantly in my thoughts. Those memories of ours are the only thing that has kept me going this long.Being with you was the highlight of my life. You saved me Edward. I chose this one place to end myself, because if my last minutes I can't spend with you, I would spend them there. It is the second place I felt I was close to heaven._

_Again, I am so sorry Edward._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_Bella._

I had waited until this day to carry out my plan. Charlie had gone out fishing with Billy for a couple of days.I was alone. I gathered up the letters and the box and walked out of my room, giving it one last look before stepping through the door. I went into Charlies room and left the letters for him and my mom on his bed. The tears started coming once again. I had to do this. I couldn't barely breathe anymore. This was too much suffering for me, and I know this was a selfish idea and it would hurt people but I had made up my mind and I had to just hope they would forgive me. Leaving the room and walking down the stairs , I headed towards the coat rack and Charlie' gun belt. I grabbed the only gun he had and tried to figure out if it had bullets or not. Finally after messing with it, I opened the barrell and saw a full round in there. I shoved it in the back of my jeans after putting the safety on it. I did learn how to do that much after the years of being around Charlie. I gave the house one last look like I had done my room. I locked the door and stepped off the porch towards my truck.

I had to drop off the box where no one but him would find it. I knew of one place he would look. I would stop by there first.

**EPOV**

I was about a half hour from Forks. I had gotten off the phone with Alice and told her to call me if she saw anything new. I was determined to get to Bella as soon as possible and from what I knew she was at her house from what Alice said. She had said Bella was going to try it there. Of course this was two hours ago. Her plans could've changed. A million different things were going through my head. What if I didn't make it to her in time? I had to. I just had to. Time flew by quickly but not fast enough for me, but eventually I was pulling her drive way, only to find her truck not there. Nobody was there. I picked up the phone to call Alice and she instead was calling me at that instant. I put the phone to my ear and she started talking immediatly. "Edward, we are on our way down now. We left Denali about an hour ago. Last thing I saw of her she was heading to our old house. I don't see her dying there, but get there as fast as you can Edward, please." Thats all that needed to be said. I turned the car around and started speeding to our house.

I arrived at the house in a matter of minutes ran out of my car and to the front door. I called out her name even though her truck was not here either. That's when something caught my attention. On the porch in front of the front door, there was a box. I tore the top off and saw the picture of Bella and I that was taken right after her birthday. Her smile beamed through the photo. I then saw the envelope and opened it with intense urgency. It only took a second to read the letter and I almost fell over. I knew exactly where she was going and I had to get there fast. I ran to my car and sped once more out of another drive way towards the meadow. I was absolutly sure thats where she was talking about in the letter.

**BPOV**

So this was it. It wasn't a bad spot at all, that was for sure. If there was a chance that I would haunt any place, I definitly would not mind being in this meadow forever. If I didn't get into heaven, this wouldn't be a bad substitute. It was perfect. I ran to the middle of the field and fell into the grass. The grass had gotten really tall because I was hidden completly underneath this sea of green. I pulled out the gun and laid it in front of me. Laying my head back onto the soft earth I began to thinik of my memories of this wondeful place, all the wonder it brought me, the miracle of his kiss on my lips. It seemed so long ago. I missed that day greatly.

Wiping tears from my eyes I sat up once again and reached for the gun. My hands were shaking and I started crying harder. "Edward." His name passed through my mouth multiple times. I felt sad and pathetic. I was crying for someone who would not come to my rescue this time. He was gone. Gone. I couldn't help it though. I screamed his name. "I love you! Edward!..." My sobbs were becoming insane. Tears were gushing out of my eyes like a waterfall. I don't think I have cried this hard in a long time. I steadied my hand and set the gun to my chest right over my heart and pulled the trigger.

**EPOV**

I ran as fast as I could. It seemed to take forever to get to the edge of the woods and I was out of my car in no time at all. I didn't have much time I knew that. Alice had called not to long ago and told me what I already knew. That Bella would be in some type of field. _Our meadow_. I kept running , almost flying. Never had I been so grateful to be what I was until this moment. If I didn't have my abilities I would probably still be driving to Forks. I stopped dead in my tracks though when a sound filled the air around me. A loud booming sound shook the forests and I could here the birds chirping with fear from the noise.

"BELLA!!" I started running again. What had I done? What had I done? Please tell me it isn't true. Please. I got to the edge of the field and scanned it for anything. Thats when I saw it. The gun. A hand was pointing it to the sky. "Bella! Put it down! Put it Down!" She stood up in the middle of the field with the gun in her hands, staring at me. I ran towards her again as I saw her raising the gun. In a second I had knocked her to the ground, retrieved the gun from her hand and threw it as far as I could into the forest. I had her pinned under me and I was hoping I didn't hurt her to bad. I knew I must've knocked the wind out of her. She immediatly started crying and turned on her side and curled into a ball. I reached out a hand to touch her face but was shocked when she pushed it away. I deserved this. Look what I had made her try and do.

"I tried Edward. The gun was pointed right on my heart and I pulled...but it didn't go off. I forgot the safety... I couldn't do it. Im so ashamed of myself" She sat up a bit and crawled away from me a couple of inches. I reached out my hand once again to her and she flinched as my finger tips touched her cheek. "Please Edward don't...don't. She stood up stumbling a bit. Her cries and sobbs were breaking peices of my heart I didn't know I had left. " Please don't bother yourself with me." I stood up ready to protest her words when she spoke again. "You told me you didn't love me...I wasn't good enough for you Edward. I'm definitly not now. Especially after this...you don't need a psychotic girl around you. Please Im sorry to bring you back here. I wish I would've taken the safety off." She started walking off but I grabbed her hand and kept her from creating a bigger distance between the two of us.

I turned her to face me. She kept her head low and how she was reacting reminded me of a dog who knew they did wrong and had their tail beneath their legs. I placed my hand on her chin and forced her face upwards so I could look into her eyes. Her face pained me and ached every bone in my being. Her eyes were puffy from crying. She looked like a beautiful wreck. How could I have left her? I stared into her eyes making her look at me and she cried harder. "Bella don't you ever say something like that again! You hear me!?" I wiped a tear with my thumb and her next words stabbed me in whatever heart I may have had. "You said you didn't want me...why are you here? Why didn't you just let me die? You don't wa-" I cut her off with a kiss on her lips. I embraced her with such force, but I couldn't help it. I had missed her with every ounce of my existance and I had almost fully lost her forever. Whatever boundaries I set up before were completely gone at this moment. I was ecstatic when she returned my kiss was as much intensity as I was putting forth. Cupping her face in my hands I held her in place. I reminded myself she needed to breath and stopped so she could get some air. As soon as I did that though, she grabbed ahold of the collar of my shirt and brought me back down to her lips.

We stood there in the middle of that meadow for hours I think. Alice had called once and I let her know everything was ok. It was a short phone call though because I did not feel like talking. All I wanted to do was love her. Thats all I intended on doing forever. Her recalling the words I said to her that day stung me. how could I ever be so cruel. I stopped kissing her for a second and ran my hands along her cheeks. "I promis you Bella I will never leave you. Im so sorry for hurting you. I don't deserve you, but I love you too much to keep away from you." She silenced my words by kissing me again.

We layed there in the grass the rest of the day. The clouds cleared and the stars blanketed us.It worked to our advantage that Charlie had gone fishing, because when we got back to her house we barely made it through the door without being all over eachother again. I loved this feeling of her arms around me once again. I had missed the feel of her hands, the softness of her lips, the smell of her hair, her smile, her eyes, the way she blushes. She was the only life within me. I layed there beside her that night watching her sleep. It took forever to convince her that I would be there in the morning , but I accomplished it. I could never leave this angel again. I never would.


End file.
